So, 2020 is coming in less than a week’s time and while the overrated new years resolution awaits, I’m going to do mine a little differently. New Years have always been about change and embracing the hope of what is to come; I think that’s amazing, but it’s also important to acknowledge everything that has been — good or bad. Let go, but also, be grateful and give credit when and where credit is due.
I choose to focus on the many blessings that came knocking on my door this year. And for that, I would like to dedicate this little piece to everyone who took a chance on me this year.
To my family: for all the times I fell short, and for all missed times and mistakes, thank you for still loving me anyway. Thank you for letting me experience the rare opportunity of life, to live and breathe in this age. I would never have been half the person I am today if it weren’t for your constant support. Thank you for being so encouraging. Whenever I have an article published, thank you Mum for being unable to contain your excitement and secretly showing all your friends because you know how easily embarrassed these things make me. Thank you for believing in my abilities from the start. Thank you Dad for allowing me to chase my dreams even though they may not always align with you, thank you for seeing something in me and letting me spread my wings. Thank you Jess, for being the emotional and loving support I’ve had since we were kids. We quarrel a lot at times, but I find a lot of solace and calm in our relationship. I love you always even though you tick me off most of the times with your rebellious phase.
To my friends: thank you for refusing to give up on our friendships no matter how “far” I may be or seem at times. 2019 was rough and I’m sorry if I wasn’t there to share in all of your milestones. You guys have taught me that true friendships don’t just come and go, they are by choice. Thank you for choosing not to leave our friendships. I may not be the greatest friend; I am shitty with keeping in contact at times, but I’m working on it and I will continue doing so because I love you guys. Thank you for being the compass that never fail to point me in the right direction whenever I’m lost. Thank you for still wanting me in your lives.
To the dance community: it is a tough industry out there but I’m eternally grateful to everyone who saw something in me, enough to give me a shot. Anyone who’s ever told me nice things about my dance, thank you. You have no idea how much that meant to me. Thank you to all my teachers, for sharing your knowledge and trusting me to make them come to life. Thank you for all the opportunities on stage — big or small — they all hold a special place in my heart. As a dancer and performer, it was a huge honour to have been given the chance to stand on stage. I have been receiving and taking so much that it’s only right for me to give back. For that, I want to give more of myself, in whatever ways possible, to the community. Dance has given me more than what I can give it, I hope that can change in 2020.
To my Uni Professors and tutors: thank you for getting through my essays, in all its messiness and convoluted-ness. For believing in my ideas and encouraging me to pursue them, thank you. It took 3 years but I finally am proud of my writing and it never would have been this way if it weren’t for your constant guidance.
To anyone reading this, or anyone who has read a piece of my works: thank you, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. I remember writing my first pseudo-novel at the age of 8 and I would dream to have people read them. I love reading other people’s work, and for the longest time I never thought I would be worthy enough to have other people read my work. But you did, and I’m so grateful. Everytime I gain a new reader, I’m reminded of why I started. So powerless I may feel at times, but the moment I write, I feel like I’m speaking to someone who wants to listen. At first, writing was me desperately searching for an audience, someone who would just listen. But after a while, I realised that it was less about being heard, but about connecting. I want to be heard just as much as you want to want to be listened to. And when I learned that, I allowed myself to become more vulnerable in my pieces. Because it’s only through showing pieces of myself that my writings become real, and not just some clickbait piece. You can never go wrong with being genuine. And so to everyone who gave my works a chance, who saw the heart in it and decided to read it, or even publish it, I thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.
To Lola, Lolo, and Uncle B: the pain of losing you was unamountable, but I’m happy that you’re in peace now. Thank you for giving me a chance to live this life on this earth, and for showing me what it meant to live life through your eyes. You’ll always be in my heart may you find eternal peace and rest with the Lord.
To myself: I’m proud of you for taking the chances you never thought you could take, and for putting yourself out there despite how much that scares you. Thank you for staying strong. Thank you for acknowledging your shortcomings, and your mistakes, and for striving to becoming a better human being to the people around you. You are doing great; keep going, keep believing, and never lose hope. Keep aiming to inspire others through your works in 2020.